6.28.2009

Rough week in celeb-land

With no snarky comments from me, I offer my deepest condolences to the family and friends of:

Ed McMahon, March 6, 1923 - June 23, 2009

Farrah Fawcett, February 2, 1947 - June 25, 2009

Michael Jackson, August 29, 1958 - June 25, 2009

Billy Mays II, July 20, 1958 - June 28, 2009





The world will miss the talent and entertainment of all of these fine people. RIP, dolls.

6.23.2009

Can you write better than Perez?

So, apparently all Perez Hilton is good at is drawing cum, coke and penises (peni? penis'? I'll stick with penises... haha now I've written it so many times it just looks funny...) on people's pictures. Because, he's certainly not good at writing. Seriously, did this guy get past third grade?

He issued this "updated statement" "from the heart" earlier today:

From the heart:

"Words can hurt. I know that very well, from both sides of the fence. The other night in Toronto, after feeling physically threatened by a verbally abusive Will.I.Am of the Black Eyed Peas, I chose the most hurtful word I know to hurl at him. I was in an out-of-the ordinary situaton and used a word that I would not utter under normal circumstances. My intention - however misguided it may have been - was to stand up for myself and tell this belligerent man that I had enough of his badgering and was not going to continue to let him berate and intimidate me. I wanted to hurt him with the word I chose, not anyone else. Unfortunately, the one who got hurt was me and, subsequently, a lot of other people. I wish none of it had happened. I can't take it back. I did what I thought was best at the moment to stand up for myself in a non-violent yet still assertive way. Clearly, I am not homophobic. Also, I am not nor have I ever claimed to be a spokesperson for the gay community. I am just speaking for myself, a gay man. One who is labeled "flamboyant" in the media. An American that is not granted equal rights under the law. I will continue to speak out for equality and I will continue to say things that upset both gay people and straight people. Who I am as a person and what I do for a living are two separate things. I've come to terms with all my incongruities and am proud of who I am and what I do. In closing, words can hurt. But words should not provoke someone to violence. Stripped away from the mask of Perez Hilton, I have been extremely bothered by the public reaction to my assault. Violence should never be condoned with such statements as "It's Karma" or "I don't believe in violence but….". In fact, several television and radio shows over the past couple of days echoed the sentiment "He had it coming". Would they have said the same thing if I was a woman? Would I have "deserved it" if I had been stabbed? Or shot? Or killed? I was attacked from behind without warning and repeatedly punched in the head in a cold, disgusting and unnecessarily violent manner by Polo Molina, the road manager for the Black Eyed Peas, who I did not even speak with that evening. I did not share any words with him and his assault on me was completely unprovoked. I feel like everything happens for a reason and I leave this traumatic experience as a person with more compassion. Specifically, there was an instance last year when actor Jesse Metcalfe was attacked outside of a Hollywood nightclub by a fellow entertainer. I did not condone the violence, but I did make light of that situation. I regret that. Sincerely. There are many ways to deal with disagreements, both good and bad, but violence is never the answer. Never. I now know that first-hand. It should not be condoned, promoted or accepted. No one "deserves" to be the victim of violence. No one "has it coming." NO ONE. And victims should not be ridiculed. I look forward to marching for equality in Washington, D.C. this October. And I look forward to standing up for my rights in a Toronto courtroom shortly, as I fully intend to seek every lawful remedy against the man that attacked me."

- Perez Hilton
June 23, 2009
Los Angeles, California


So, firssssssttttttttt ever BetsySkotchBlogs contest!


All you have to do is re-write this hot mess of Perez's, spice it up a little bit, put it in actual PARAGRAPHS and submit it to betsyblogs1@gmail.com

The best NEW work will win a mention on this website, have their "new statement" published here aaand... something else really cool that I haven't determined yet. But, it'll be good, I swear ;)

Deadline for the re-write is Friday, June 26, 2009 by midnight, EST. (I think that means Pennsylvania-time, but I'm no scientist...)

I'm obsessed

Last night's episode of Jon and Kate Plus Eight brought in nearly 10.6 million viewers; almost a million more than the season premiere.

In case you missed it:

Jon spent the day with some crew installing "crooked houses" for the kids, not in the woods as he had planned, but closer to the house per Kate's demands.

Everything Jon and Kate do, it's for the kids.

Jon says Kate won't communicate with him, even though he tries.

Everything Jon and Kate do, it's for the kids.

Kate says Jon won't communicate with her, even though she tries.

Everything Jon and Kate do, it's for the kids.

Jon has pierced ears --?

Everything Jon and Kate do, it's for the kids.

They don't hate each other.

Everything Jon and Kate do, it's for the kids.

They're divorcing.

Everything Jon and Kate do, it's for the kids.

Sob, sob, Jon's still young and needs to be free, Kate doesn't want to be alone and a statistic.

Did I mention it's all for the kids?

Rumor has it that the show's going on hiatus until August, cuz everyone knows that it'll only take a month and a half to get over the fact that they're divorcing. And, that's all the losses that TLC is willing to take on this goldmine of a family.

Seriously, ten bucks says that Maddy's involved in a sex scandal within the next ten years, and I'll give Joel fifteen til he's hooked on coke. In fact, I have to go, I'm putting together a care package for the Gosselin children...

"One night in Paris" ... check
Rolling papers ... check
Three crack pipes ... check, check, check
All of Lindsay Lohan's movies ... check
Kim Kardashian's false eyelashes ... check
Jenna Jameson's greatest hits ... check

6.22.2009

Go Figure...

After admitting to beating the shit out of Rihanna, Chris Brown is walking with 1440 hours of community service.

Great.

Perez Hilton vs. Will.I.Am: Team Will

So, the gossip sites have been buzzing all day with Perez Hilton's whiny claims that he was beat up by Will.I.Am of the Black Eyed Peas.

Apparently, Perez told Willy "You're not an artist, you're a fucking faggot." I believe this means that he began the fight. Anyway, Perez said this, fists flew, and now Perez is really sad:

Really, I have no sympathy for Perez, because we all know that I can't stand him.

My theory? He wants to be the next Rhianna, now that her shit's finally clearing. Seriously, this guy will do anything for attention. Actually, I think that the superficial writer says it best:

"After a spectacle like this you have to wonder what's next for Perez Hilton. Which is why my money's on flashing his vagina while getting out of a car. Who wants in?"

Superficial, doll, put me down for $50.