...what is this?

What the heck is that robot-y thing and the crazy robot hatched egg? I question those zany people at twitter, sometimes.

Britain has more talent than America

I don't generally watch nonsense like America's Got Talent or Britain's got talent, because I'm so busy watching prestigious shows such as Jon and Kate plus eight, but a winner has been declared for Britain's Got Talent.

It came down to dance crew "Diversity" and spinster singer Susan Boyle. Diversity won. Check out their winning performance:



And here's Suzie B's final performance:



So... which do YOU think should have won?

Britt-Britt spends money

Just heard that Britney Spears spent ten million dollars in ten months.

Obviously, she hasn't heard the word "recession."

Seriously, who's controlling her cash? Someone take the debit card from the bipolar chick. For reals. Better yet, since I'm a soon-to-be-banker, send her my way. We'll chat about cash while she takes me out for Starbucks. Bonus points if she brings the babies with her, double bonus points if she doesn't mistake them for muffins and try to take a bite out of them. Yumpf.

Guess the Hogan

Which one is Linda? Which one is Brooke? Are they both images of one or the other? I have no idea. That's why I'm posting them. Because Brooke looks like she is 57 and Linda thinks she's 17.

Anyway, I guess the Hogan family is more effed up than I've cared to follow. If you're really interested in the scoop, and not analyzing the above photos, check out http://www.okmagazine.com/news/view/14509. But, you know that what you really want to do is analyze.

Angie takes a bump

Angelina Jolie took a bump to the head, started bleeding and was taken to the hospital earlier today. She was filming for her latest film, "Salt." She returned to set shortly after the incident.

Shouldn't she have a stunt double or something? Like, Octo-mom should be put in these dangerous situations, shouldn't she?

Yawn. What a boring post. See, I'm boring when I don't talk about Jon and Kate.

Movie: Drag Me To Hell

I was dragged to see Drag Me To Hell (see what I did there..?) at midnight last night. Yes, that PG-13 movie actually had a midnight opening in theaters. Craaazy.

Anyway, okay, so I'm going to actually be a "grown up" on Tuesday, and am starting a job at a bank, and Drag Me To Hell? Yeah, not the movie to see if you're going to be working in a BANK.

Basically, little blonde chick has the perfect life... cute boyfriend Justin Long (ahhhh I love himmmmm), cute house, kitten, and is up for a promotion at her job at a bank. Then, she denies some freak lady an extension on a loan or something money-ish, and gets cursed.

I give director and writer Sam Raimi two thumbs up on this one, actually. Pretty sweet special effects, I jumped through the roof about nineteen times. Some of it was pretty corny, hence the PG-13 rating on it, but I guarantee that if you can sit through the corniness, the ending totally makes up for the entire movie.

Two very rare thumbs up from the Betsy Skotch.

Another Jon and Kate post

I swear, I'm completely obsessed with becoming Kate Gosselin. I mean, now that I've got the Kate haircut, I'm trying to convince my boyfriend to get the Jon haircut. (He totally needs a haircut.)

Anyway, this one totally flew under my radar for some reason (I was too busy watching What Not To Wear cuz TLC was failing me on the Jon and Kate front...) but kudos to @dinaondria for throwing this tip my way...

According to People Magazine, Jon & Kate are now being investigated for a child labor complaint. People says:

"I can confirm that our bureau of labor law compliance is conducting an investigation as they do whenever they receive a charge," said Christopher Manlove, a spokesman for the Pennsylvania Department of Labor and Industry.

Because the investigation is still going on, they won't say who filed the complaint, but, I mean, c'mon, it's totally Kevin and Jodi. They're pissed that Jon and Kate get all the media attention, they've gotten a taste of it themselves this past week (seriously, every time I'm flipping through the channels to get to TLC and I hit a news station, the two of them are on.) they want the attention on them.

Anyway, TLC says: "TLC fully complies with all applicable laws and regulations. Jon and Kate + 8 is no exception. For an extended period of time, we have been engaged in cooperative discussions and supplied all requested information to the Pennsylvania Department of Labor. We will continue to engage the appropriate officials and meet any standards or regulations that are applicable to TLC productions."

Psht. Yeah right. I know how the biz goes, and as long as these eight kids are still making them money, labor laws, what?

Edit

Screw the link that I posted. Try this:

New Jon and Kate

Jon and Kate plus eight are totally over. And TLC has found just the couple to replace them! The new show will be called...


...ready for this...?

...Mel and Oksana plus eight!

Doesn't it have a great ring to it?

Okay, actually, these two stories have NOTHING to do with one another, I'm just pretty obsessed with Jon and Kate plus eight right now.

Really, Mel Gibson admitted to Jay Leno last night that girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva is pregnant with Gibson's eighth child. So, I just figured that I'd be helpful to TLC and give them a new show.

That's right, TLC. Feel free to hire me and my brilliant ideas at any time. I'm college educated.

Anyway, if you're interested in babbling, check out the video. I didn't actually watch it before posting, so I'm just gonna go ahead and assume that Gibson's talking about his new deal with TLC since they apparently like to put large families with cheating husbands on TV. Watch at your own discretion.

data="http://widgets.nbc.com/o/4727a250e66f9723/4a1c5b8bad79e7b4/4a1be6d998251400/fabc7c63/

Happy Memorial Day weekend

It's memorial day tomorrow. I've been spending my entire weekend watching the Jon and Kate plus 8 marathon, and let me tell you, that commercial for the season premiere is getting on my effing nerves.

"Join us as Jon and Kate face each other for the first time..."

First of all, they LIVE TOGETHER. It's obviously not the first time that they're facing each other. Uggghhhhhh.

Anyway, yeah, happy holiday. Eat a hotdog for me during your cookouts, kay, thanks.

This is why we love Paris

I somehow found myself watching E!'s True Hollywood Stories: The Hilton Sisters earlier this week, and I found myself thinking that the Hilton's weren't that bad. There I was, thinking, "oh, self, Paris isn't too bad. She's just a victim!" Then I saw this picture...



If she's going to go around and have sex in clubs for all to see, then sites like youporn.com and redtube.com are going to lose business...

Kimmy babe

MySpace just helpfully informed me that Kim Kardashian is in Miami right now. And I was like, helloooooo, who caaares?

But, then I realized that she's in Miami for the opening of her new store, Dash. Which totally got broken into and vandalized a few days ago. Sad news for the Kardashian sisters.

Even sadder news is that there's tornado warnings all over Florida right now, and there are violent storms going on. I guess this is actually good news for Kim, because she won't be able to get bad sunburn in Florida...



I hope she took my lemon juice advice... And she's such a whiner, by the way, I have a sunburn right now and it's wayyyyy worse...

Kate Gosselin is, like, scary

So, according to Radar Online:

"Kate had presented Jon with a contract that laid out the aforementioned circumstances in explicit detail. She said Jon was taken aback by Kate's bluntness in terminating the relationship.
Kevin Kreider said Jon has told him he can have girlfriends, do his own thing and has the freedom to do what he wants [on] certain days -- so long as he fulfills his professional obligations in regards to the show.
Jodi said both ignored their marital problems to keep the show's ratings high, and that it takes many people to pull off the ruse of showcasing their dysfunctional marriage as a happy one for the cameras.
"This is a train wreck," Jodi said."

My question is, where have I been while Jon's out looking for girlfriends? Like, he's totally hot. I'd do him. Twice.

On a side note, I totally got the Kate Gosselin haircut today, even though I told myself, "self, no, don't do it." And, it totally looks hotter on me than on her. Pretty soon, they're gonna be calling it the Betsy Skotch haircut. Probably when I start mothering her 8 children with Jon, after I push her off a cliff. Stay tuned.

Hold the freaking phone

Just heard news that Lindsay Lohan is allegedly pregnant.

What the fuck.

Not even a question.

Supposedly, she's seven weeks pregnant, and is such a whore that she doesn't even know who the father is. All of this according to "a close friend." Let me tell you, I'd fucking KILL that close friend for letting out that sort of news, but I'm no Lilo.

Anyway, she's supposedly scheduled to have an abortion in a few days, but some crazy pro-life group is actually encouraging her to have this thing.

Okay, pro-life group, seriously, let's think this out with some logic.

First of all, Linds is the most coked out young star in Hollywood right now. Don't we want HEALTHY babies?

Second... it's fucking LINDSAY LOHAN. Right now, she's live seven and a half crazy Britneys put together. For serious.

Third... is this story even true? Is Linds CAPABLE of getting pregnant? I mean, isn't she on a diet of, like, cocaine and adderall? Last I checked, it's tough for your body to take to a pregnancy using these kinds of things. And trust me, I've checked it out.. Betsy don't need no babies.

Pretending for just a second that this is a true story, and not some bored journalist looking to make a stir, Lilo would be an awful mother. And handing the kid off to Dina Lohan... well, it's too awful to even put into words.

Ew. For reals.

I was gonna quit after xenon... but...

Then I saw this picture...



Heidi and Spencer are still prancing around Mexico.

Take the masks off, dolls. All of us here in America want you to get the true Mexican flu... I mean... experience. You'll be fiiiine. We found out that the Swine Flu was a joke, there's no harm in breathing in the Mexicans. In fact, please, start licking them. You obviously didn't read my last message to the two of you toolbags... er... LOVELY HUMAN BEINGS... that Mexicans LOVE IT when you get into their faces...

Ugh. What morons.

Katie Holmes' body stolen by Xenon

I generally don't talk about Katie Holmes much (frankly, because I'm afraid that Tom Cruise's imaginary friend Xenon will come after me, and I've heard that he's an asshole), but have you SEEN Katie?



That's some scary shit. I mean, WHO took that photograph? I hope that they don't get paid for it...

Another new reality show!

It just keeps on getting worse and worse...

Tiffany Pollard, better known as "New York" from... *big breath* ... flavor-of-love-flavor-of-love-two-i-love-new-york-i-love-new-york-two plus appearances on shows such as nip-tuck, what Perez says (whyyyy?), VH1 all access, The Tyra Banks Show and Jimmy Kimmel Live... is getting YET ANOTHER reality show.

This one is basically "The Simple Life Interns" just without Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie. It's called "New York Goes To Work," because apparently America wants to watch as Tiff does her first "work" ever.

All I have to say is that I'm disappointed in you, America. Very, very disappointed. It's shows like this that overshadow shows like "The Valley."

When did Ali become the hot Lohan?

Quit drooling guys, she's fifteen. Which means, there's still plenty of time for her to end up like her older, more skeletal sister.

I'm sure that I'd have more brilliance to say about this one, except that my head is pounding, so yeah, I'll just leave you with her picture for right now... just remember, computer keys don't like being sticky.

Mariah and Nick

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon have been married for a year now, if anyone cares. And, I'm assuming you all don't. They're the less popular Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, and that's not saying much. Yawn.

Have you heard...?

...That MTV is putting out a new reality show called "The Valley"??

It looks pretty good!



Here are some of the promo photos!









And I guess that there's leaked video too...?



I hope it's real... ANYTHING will be better than watching The Hills with Spencer and Heidi one more time!!!