Hold the freaking phone

Just heard news that Lindsay Lohan is allegedly pregnant.

What the fuck.

Not even a question.

Supposedly, she's seven weeks pregnant, and is such a whore that she doesn't even know who the father is. All of this according to "a close friend." Let me tell you, I'd fucking KILL that close friend for letting out that sort of news, but I'm no Lilo.

Anyway, she's supposedly scheduled to have an abortion in a few days, but some crazy pro-life group is actually encouraging her to have this thing.

Okay, pro-life group, seriously, let's think this out with some logic.

First of all, Linds is the most coked out young star in Hollywood right now. Don't we want HEALTHY babies?

Second... it's fucking LINDSAY LOHAN. Right now, she's live seven and a half crazy Britneys put together. For serious.

Third... is this story even true? Is Linds CAPABLE of getting pregnant? I mean, isn't she on a diet of, like, cocaine and adderall? Last I checked, it's tough for your body to take to a pregnancy using these kinds of things. And trust me, I've checked it out.. Betsy don't need no babies.

Pretending for just a second that this is a true story, and not some bored journalist looking to make a stir, Lilo would be an awful mother. And handing the kid off to Dina Lohan... well, it's too awful to even put into words.

Ew. For reals.